What Stops Me From Finding Love?

As a professional psychic, perhaps the number one sort of questions that I get are from folks seeking a loving relationship.

While I believe that there is a perfect match for every person, I also understand why most of them are blocked from finding their perfect someone.

In this series I'll discuss why you might not have found love yet, then take you on to how to go about finding the love and relationship you desire.

Here are some possible reasons why you haven't found love...yet.

For many of my clients interested in finding love, a subject that often comes up is that they don't have time for a relationship at this point in their lives. Whether they're trying to go to college, kickstart their career, working 80 hours a week or starting a new business, they just sheer don't have time in their lives right now to deal with a relationship.

Real relationships take time. They demand work. They are NOT something that "just happens" along the course of your ordinary day. Because here you are working to integrate your own learnings about "Life, the Universe and Everything." In the middle of all that you have to work out what some other being wants and needs. That's an imperative if you're going to make it work.

The Universe understands when we have too much on our plates. It's just smart that way. So in most cases it won't allow us to meet our Perfect Someone until we've dealt with those other issues.

I have a regular client who is hoping to win a job in Japan. Things look pretty good for him. But at the same time he wants a love relationship.

The answer is simple. Here you are wishing to not be in a particular place. Why on Earth would the Universe offer you the ability to make a positive change and then at the same time tie you to someone else for whom that change might be a trauma? You're going to ask them to give up contact with their friends, their family or a great job?

Usually the Universe isn't up for this.

If you're seriously thinking about making a big change, the Universe will help by putting other changes on hold.

Handle the other stuff first. Decide what you want, make your move. THEN make your heart and your life open to love.

Make the move. Your beloved is waiting in Japan or Seattle or wherever.

Or decide that you're actually happy where you are, and intend to stay and THEN open to love.

Don't expect love to show up in the middle of your transition...and if it does, then expect to do a lot of soul searching on which path is best.

Isn't it nice when the Universe is kind and doesn't set you up for hard choices?

A good number of the clients I see, want to know if they should get back with someone they used to be with.

What's wrong with this?

When you're focused on an old relationship, it's pretty impossible to find a new one. Until you've worked through the issues that broke you up in the first place, you won't be ready for someone new.

And if you're still holding the torch for someone, you're not moving forward.

This question is often rooted in fear. Fear that there's nobody out there who's better for you.

But there are obvious reasons that you broke up. Those patterns probably won't change. Do you want an okay relationship? Or a vibrant, full relationship that's perfect for you?

Be willing to let go, and open yourself to a new relationship. Take time to mourn and then move on.

...They probably still aren't.

Remember that people don't change in the course of a week or a month. Or even a year.

If you get back together with them in a short time, what you're likely to get is a rehash of the same troubles that broke you up in the first place.

Nor can you change them. The only person who can change you is you. And the only person who can make them change is themselves.

It takes folks time, experience and sometimes therapy to unlearn unhealthy old patterns and create new, strong ones.

Now that doesn't mean that every case of lost love is like this. If you've allowed ten or more years to go by that may be long enough for both of you to have grown into more whole people. And if you're actually right for each other so, the Universe will guide you back together.

That happens a lot in movies. It happens much less often in real life. When it does happen, it's because both people have distanced themselves, been willing to move forward and find other relationships and allowed them to grow.

I'll give a horribly embarrassing example from my own life. I was 16 and Mike was 27. The sex was good, I liked being treated like an adult (including illegally hanging out in bars). His music was just my style and all in all, it was a fun and exciting relationship. For a teenager.

At the same time he was not nearly smart enough for me,. I was an honors student, he probably hadn't graduated. He worked in the shipyards removing grease from the inside of tankers, Now I'm not putting down those folks who didn't graduate HS, just pointing out that I tend to be attracted to people who are intellectual. My idea of the perfect evening is a bottle of wine and a good game of Scrabble.

Plus he cheated. I had good information that he was seeing this other woman. Older than me, and frankly a better match for him.

Then we had a pregnancy scare. He offered to marry me. And while my now 17 year old self was intoxicated by the idea that someone MIGHT marry me, I was also horrified.

Suddenly I looked at my future. Little kids running around my knees (that wasn't the bad part) with a man who couldn't keep up to me on an intellectual level (boring!) and who didn't have qualms about cheating.

Fortunately the pregnancy was only a scare.

We moved apart soon after, and all the better for that.

Your ex is most likely not going to change. Not ever.

You're not in the business of fixing others. The only person you can "fix" or whom you can count on to change is you.

Now I'm going to disappoint some of you. A little bit, but I hope not long term.

If you're under 30 or so, the Universe may be holding you back from meeting the right person until you're through your Saturn Return.

In astrology, Saturn is the planet that rules the bones, calcification and endings. As we grow older we sometimes calcify ourselves into patterns that aren't healthy for us.

Saturn moves slowly and takes about 29 1/2 years to return to the exact location of your birth. During this time it may also be making other aspects with your birth chart. What this means to you:

Around the age of 26-31, when Saturn comes back to the place where it was in your birth chart, the energies of this planet and the Universe tend to take a look at you and the patterns you've created for yourself.

The Universe wants to help you. It wants you to grow and be happy. So what happens?

If there are areas of your life that aren't healthy, this is a time when the Universe will come along and shake down any patterns that it feels need changing.

At this time in your life (which depending on your particular chart can last as little as a year or so, or as long as a few years) various big changes may occur. For example, if you're in a job you hate but are afraid to leave, the Universe might give you no choice. You might get fired or the company you work for might go under.

Because we as humans tend to not see the full picture until time is behind us, we often see these changes as "bad" things. They're actually gifts. The Universe is giving us freedom to make new choices and go in new directions.

And the same thing can happen with relationships. Census records indicate that a large number of divorces happen around the age of 30.

Even if your relationship was healthy up to that point, it's possible that the other challenges you're going through may put a rift in your partnership. If you then choose negative ways of dealing with that rift, you may harm the relationship too.

Does that mean every relationship will get smacked by Saturn? Absolutely not. Some couples make it through with flying colors and grow stronger because of the challenges thrown at them.

If you're under 30 and single, just be aware that the Universe may be holding off on bringing you the right person until you've faced your Saturn changes and moved forward.

The Universe doesn't want you to fail.

Trust in its wisdom.

True story: Three years before I met my Forever Husband I moved out of my ex's and in with a buddy. I lived 1/4 mile away from what was then his home and is now ours.

That's right. We ate at the same restaurants, hung out at the same bars, shopped in the same stores.

We never once met. Until I moved clear across town.

That's a good thing.

During that time I was an emotional mess. I'd broken a 21 year partnership with an abusive (emotionally and eventually physically) ex. I had a couple of rebound relationships that did teach me both my own value as well as what didn't work.

My hubby was also going through his own changes, no doubt.

It's all about right timing. When you're in the right headspace for the right person, the Universe will respond.

But not until.

I have every confidence that had we met back during that time while I was not ready, I would have not been able to sustain a relationship with him.

If you're waiting for the perfect relationship, now is the time to focus on your own issues. What will make you a better and more powerful human being?

One of the phrases I dislike most is "my other half." It makes the incorrect assumption that another person is supposed to complete you. That you're not a whole human being until you have a partner.

And yes, this rather stupid meme has inserted itself into our culture. I'm here to call bovine feces on that one.

Repeat it after me: The object of a relationship isn't to bring two half-people together to create a whole, it's to bring two whole people together and make them more than whole.

Do you consider yourself a half-person? If so, I'm going to recommend soul-searching, counseling, hypnosis and following your dreams way before you even consider getting involved in a relationship.

Until we work out our own issues, buttons and triggers, until we begin following our true talents and dreams, we won't be whole people.

Focus on being whole, on being the best YOU possible, and the Universe will reward you by bringing a relationship that makes you much more than just a half.

Yup, in all the wrong places. Which brings me to the next part in this series:

Pink Candle by Lionrhod

Via Flickr by Creative Commons Share Alike:

Sapling Jason Scragz

Heart Irina Patrascu

Cat at Window Alisha Vargas

Taking Action to Find Your True Love

Now that we've looked at what blocked you from finding love in the past, here are some steps you can find to find the right partner, based on advice that I give to my psychic clients.

And the next in this series: The Ultimate Ethical Love Spell and Affirmation - That Actually Works. A healthy affirmation to draw your beloved. Don't like spells? The affirmation is powerful enough to work on it's own.